Skulduggery Pleasant Fanfic- Redone
by llamalovesdragons
Summary: It's back. You'r favourite chatroom fanfic is back and has been redone to suit the picky rules of fanfiction. So enjoy. The same chapters, but different. Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

**You might remember this famfic from before,a nd if you do, welcome back. To any and all new readers, welcome. This story faced some difficulty as someone reported me for having a fanfic in script format. But I am proud to say I have found a way to outsmart the person who reported me. The chapters are the same, but in a different format.**

KickbuttSorcerer is online

AlwaysSophisticated is online

'hi Skulduggery. Nice 2 see u online' Valkyrie typed, her fingers drumming on the table as she waited for Skulduggery's response.

'I feel somewhat stupid.' Valkyrie grinned as she read his response.

'u stupid, neva' Valkyrie typed, trying to make him feel better.

'I could barely understand that.' Either it had worked, or Skulduggery was now distracted.

'u need 2 get with da lingo' Valkyrie shook her head. Skulduggery could be so old-fashioned sometimes.

'Who says lingo anymore?' Valkyrie scowled as she typed her response.

'every1 except 4 u'

ScarredHeart is online

'Who says lingo anymore?' Valkyrie smiled, until she saw his comment.

'gr8 not another 1' Her scowl turned into a thunderous look, and she glared sullenly at the screen

'Did you understand that, Ghastly?' She could believe what she was seeing. Hopefully-

Not a word. Other than not and another.' Valkyrie fired off a response and crossed her arms. They were ganging up on her.

'im neva tlkin 2 u eva again' Valkyrie sulked.

TheZombieKing is online

'You will never guess- what did KickbuttSorcerer say?' Valkyrie grinned. Scapegrace. Which meant Thrasher wasn't far behind. Now Skulduggery, Ghastlya nd her could all gang up the zombies together.

'That, Vaurien, is what Ghastly and I are trying to figure out.' Valkyrie stared open-mouthed at the computer.

'now I feel so ganged up on' Valkyrie felt annoyed.

ForeverAZombieServant is online

'master, I have found u finally.' Here was Thrasher, right on cue.

'Thrasher, what are you doing here? I thought I had gotten away from you. And don't speak like that.' Valkyrie was impressed. Scapegrace was almost as good a sulker as she was.

'Yes, Master. Sorry Master.' Valkyrie could feel how meek Thrasher was, even in a chatroom.

GravityDefyingHair is online

'Hi, everyone. Whatcha up to, over there in Ireland' Fletcher. Finally, someone for Valkyrie to talk to without being ridiculed.

'Fletcher hi nm u' She typed back quickly.

'Fletcher, I sincerly hope you will not speak like that while you are here. None of us can understand her.' Skulduggery sent soon after.

'Ok :S' Valkyrie laughed. _That would teach Skulduggery for not being up-to-date, _Valkyrie thought.

'What does that mean?' Ghastly asked.

'ppl like us no' Valkyrie replied smugly. There was a pause.

ScarredHeart is offline

'Great, now I'm stuck with you.' Valkyrie could almost feel Skulduggery's sigh.

'What's that supposed to mean?' Valkyrie smirked. Scapegrace sounded so wounded.

'I can't figure out how to get out.' Skulduggery typed after a brief pause

'u press the button' Valkyrie explained.

'I didn't understand that.' Skulduggery replied.

'You press the button on the side.' Fletcher translated.

'Here?' Skulduggery asked.

AlwaysSophisticated is offline

AlwaysSophistcated is online

'Found it.' Skulduggery announced brightly.

ScarredHeart is online

':S is a confused face.' Ghastly explained.

'did u leave to look that up' Valkyrie asked.

'...No, Elder business.' There was a long pause, in which Ghastltpaicked, trying to find a lie that would be believable. He quickly closed the tab with the search.

TheZombieKing is offline

'Wait, Master.' Thrasher broke into the conversation.

ForeverAZmobieServant is offline

'They r a strange pair' Valkyrie remarked, feeling that someone had to.

'I'm leaving if you talk like that again.' Skulduggery's mouse hovered over the exit button.

'Same.' Ghastly's mouse was in the same position.

'i think u need 2 change ur names ur 2 childish' Valkyrie scowled.

AlwaysSophisticated is offline

ScarredHeart is offline

'g2g Myra just made a bunch of muffins' Fletcher siad suddenly.

GravityDefyingHair is offline

'hello... hhheeellllllooo?' Valkyrie asked. There was no answer and she suddenly felt very lonely.

KickbuttSorcerer is offline

**Ok, please, be honest with me. Should I put this story out of it's misery? Should I give up, leave it to die with some dignity? Or, should I keep writing?**

**Remba89, your chapter is next, if you are reading this. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank to everyone who reviewed. The lucky, or not so lucky, if you put it in such a way that you spend this chapter talking nonsense with Skulduggery and Co. is... Remba89 aka Amber. Have fun!**

**Disclaimer: (for whole story) I do not own any of the characters, such as Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain, Tanith Low, etc. Any similarities to events or people (alive, deceased or fictional) are purely accidental/coincidental. I do, however, get to own any other character that have never before appeared in any of the books written by Derek Landy, unless stated otherwise. I do, however, own their totally amzing screen names, well, except for any reviewers, but you take what you can get.**

**Also, everyone's name will change most chapters, just for something exciting.**

Amber is online

'Hhheeellllllooo, anybody on?' Amber typed, waiting for a response from someone. Anyone would do. Her screen flashed as someone else signed in.

TheBonesFromIpanema is online

'You aren't Valkyrie are you? Because if you are-' Skulduggery typed quickly,

TheLastAncient is online

'hi Skulduggery :D' Valkyrie replied, smiling smugly.

'Never mind.' Skulduggery said sadly, ignoring the greeting entirly.

'Did I miss something? I feel like I missed something.' Amber cocked her head, trying to understand.

'No, they just don't understand the language of 2day' Valkyrie replied, glad she had someone else to talk to who would understand her.

'What?" Amber wrote, confused. Valkyrie glowered and Skulduggery laughed.

SanctuaryAdministrator is online

'Detectives Pleasant and Cain, Elder Bespoke informed me you might be here.' Tipstaff typed.

'Did he just?' Skulduggery said thoughtfully.

'tipstaff, u have a boring name u shld change it' Valkyrie typed accusingly.

'I'm sorry, Detective Cain, I didn't understand that.' Tipstaff typed after spending five minutes trying to work out what she had said.

'I think she thinks you have a boring name and that you should change it.' Amber volenteered

'Oh.' Tipstaff wrote.

SanctuaryAdminstrator is offline

'Like you can talk, Valkyrie, your's technically isn't even true. You're a descendant from the last of the Ancients, not the last.' Skulduggery shook his head.

'yeah, but that wld b a boring name, DescendantFromTheLastOfTheAn cients' Valkyrie scowled.

'Umm... ok.' Amber felt confused.

'That's what I say.' Skulduggery siad gently.

NotTheSanctuaryAdministrator is online

'Good afternoon, Detectives Pleasant and Cain.' Tipstaff said proudly.

'I think your missing the point here, Tipstaff.' Skulduggery said.

'at least u tried, tipstaff, at least u tried' Valkyrie giggled.

'Valkyrie, you can use punctuation? I never would have guessed.' Skulduggery typed in mock surprise.

'i try' Valkyrie shrugged then realised no one could see.

'I'm sure you do.' Skulduggery said drily.

'omg i have 2 go Alice just did the cutest thing eva' Valkyrie typed.

TheLastAncient is offline

'Finally, she's gone.' Skulduggery sighed.

'I though you were friends." Amber felt even more confused.

'Unfortunetly, we are. But I claim that I only tolerate her because she makes me feel good about myself because she follows me around like a little puppy. Thats the only reason I agreed to teach her magic.' Skulduggery replied.

'Isn't that the only reason someone teaches someone else something?' Amber asked, an eyebrow raised.

'Apparently someone teaches someone something to impart the knowledge they have to someone else.' Skulduggery responded.

'Oh.' Amber said shortly.

'Well, I must be off. Places to visit, people to punch, that sort of thing.' Skulduggery said, looking at his phone.

'Understandable.' Amber nodded. She knew the feeling.

TheBonesFromIpanema is offline

Amber is offline

'Sorry, Grand Mage Ravel called.' Tipstaff typed, coming back to the computer.

'Hello?' Tipstaff typed.

'Detective Pleasant. Detective Cain?' Tipstaff asked.

NotTheSanctuaryAdministrator is offline


	3. Chapter 3

**Just a quick one, glad your all enjoying it.**

KillerSupreme is online

'Thank God, Thrasher isn't online yet.' Scapegrace typed, heaving a sigh of relief.

WellingtonBootsWithCows is online

'Scapey!' Clarabelle shrieked.

'Oh, Clarabelle. I thought you were Thrasher for a second.' Scapegrace beamed.

NoLongerGerald is online

'Master, I'm here.' Thrasher gave his own sigh of relief.

'Thrasher, go away.' Scapegrace scowled.

'Thrasher!' Clarabelle shrieked. Doctor Nye poked it's head out and scowled at her, but she ignored it.

'Clarabelle, is that you?' Thrasher asked, excited.

'Yes, Thrasher. Does your brain need washing again?' Clarabelle laughed.

'No. How do you like working for Doctor Nye?' Thrasher asked. Scapegrace rolled his eyes.

'It's fun. I meet lots of interesting people.' Clarabelle typed.

'Like who?' Thrasher asked curiously.

'Well, just last week, I meet two zombies asking for bodies.' Clarabelle smiled.

'That was me.' Scapegrace said quickly.

'And me.' Thrasher added.

'Really? I thought their names were Scapegoat and Masher.' Clarabelle frowned.

'Oh. Maybe they weren't us.' Thrasher replied.

'Thrasher, go away.' Scapegrace glared.

'But-' Thrasher protested.

'Go!' Scapegrace thundered.

NotGeraldAnymore is offline

'Clarabelle, I have to tell you something. Something important. Clarabelle, I-' Scapegrace started to type.

'No, their names were Scapegrace and Thrasher.' Clarabelle beamed.

'I told you. Now, Clarabelle, I-' Scapegrace continued.

NotGeraldAnymore is online

'He's going to eat me!' Thrasher screamed. Scapegrace scowled.

'What do you mean, eat you? Oh, not Thrasher' Clarabelle cried.

'Thrasher, if you're going to get eaten, why are you sitting at a computer?' Scapegrace frowned.

'I- I don't know' Thrasher said, a frown on his own face.

'Thrasher, calm down. I'm coming to help you, Stay alive and don't get eaten.' Clarabelle said, getting up and running off.

WellingtonBootsWithCows is offline

'I'll try. Help.' Thrasher squeaked.

NotGeraldAnymore is offline

'Don't get eaten until I'm there, alright.' Scapegrace grinned.

KillerSupreme is offline


	4. Chapter 4

**His son Bingo-**

**-Nemo**

**Nemo, was taken by some divers.**

AlwaysAGoodGirl is online

'Hey, Val, you on?' Tanith waited.

'No? Shame. We haven't spoken in ages.' Tanith shrugged.

AlwaysAGoodGirl is offline

BrokenHearted is online

TailorMade is online

'You too, huh?' Ghastly sighed.

'Me too what?' Scapegrace asked, confused.

'Broken hearted.' Ghastly explained.

'Yeah. I still haven't told the girl I love that I love her yet. I was about to, but then a moron interrupted me. Scapegrace scowled.

'The girl I love got possessed and now she is in the arms of a psychopathic hitman.' Ghastly said wryly.

'Tough break.' Scapegrace winced.

'Yeah, I'd just told her, too. We were going to have dinner afterwards, but... Who was the girl you liked?' Ghastly asked, changing the subject away from him.

'Her name is Clarabelle. Even hearing the sound of her name makes my heartbeat again, and steals the breath from my remaining lips. What about you? Who was your girl?' Scapegrace replied, wanting just as much to stop talking about him.

'Tanith Low.' Ghastly said after a pause.

'...Ghastly Bespoke?' Scapegrace asked.

'...Vaurien Scapegrace?' Ghastly asked at the same time.

WhoToPunchNext is online

'Ghastly?' Skulduggery asked.

'Skulduggery?' Ghastly replied.

'Pleasant!' Scapegrace snarled.

'Vaurien Scapegrace?' Skulduggery asked, noticing him for the first time.

BlackHairedBeauty is online

'ghastly?' Valkyrie asked.

'Valkyrie?' Sklduggery asked.

'Valkyrie?' Ghastly asked.

'none other' Valkyrie grinned.

'Cain!' Scapegrace snarled.

'scapegrace? whats with the name?' Valkryie asked, trying not to laughed.

'The adult complexities of life are too difficult for you to understand.' Scapegrace sneered.

'if u can understand them, im sure i can 2' Valkyrie smirked.

'Valkyrie, we should get back to our life of adventure and drama and track down Nadir.' Skulduggery intergected

'sounds like fun, c u in 10?' Valkyrie enthused.

'Done.' Skulduggery said.

BlackHairedBeauty is offline

'You both owe me, seeing as I have saved you both from Valkyrie.' Skulduggery told Ghastly and Scapegrace.

'Ok.' Ghastly assured him.

'Umm...ok?' Scapegrace said, nonplussed.

'I'll see you around.' Skulduggery said.

WhoToPunchNext is offline

'I have to leave as well, but nothing of this convesation leaves this chatroom, got it?' Ghastly siad.

'Got it.' Scapegrace replied.

'Good.' Ghastly said.

TailorMade is offline

BrokenHearted is offline

ReadyToServe is online

'Master?' Thrasher asked.

'Master?' Thrasher repeated.

ReadyToServe is offline

BrokenHearted is online

'Hah, take that Thrasher. You missed me this time' Scapegrace crowed.

ReadyToServe is online

'Master, I found you.' Thrasher sighed in relief.

BrokenHearted is offline

'Wait for me Master!' Thrasher cried.

ReadyToServe is offline

AlwaysAGoodGirl is online

'Val?' Tanith asked.

'Damn, missed you again did I? I'll talk to you next time, don't you worry.' Tanith promised.

AlwaysAGoodGirl is offline

**Oh, I just realised I never said the quotes I wanted to. Maybe now would be a good time. Here are some of my favourites**

_**1. Aww... you guys made me ink.- the little pink squid**_

_**2. My names Dory-**_

_**Hello Dory**_

_**And I have never eaten a fish before.**_

_**You're an inspiration to us all, mate.**_

_**Whew, it sure feels good to get that off my chest.-Dory and the sharks**_

_**3. I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my squishy.-Dory**_

_**4. Give me some fin. Noggin. Dude.-Crush and Squirt**_

_**5. Nemo.*pause with surprised face* That's a nice name.-Dory**_

_**6. Muffl emuffffffffffffle muffffle muffle.-Peach the starfish.**_

**And last but not least, my favourite one:**

_**Ttttthhhhhaaaannnnkkkkk yyyyyoooooouuuuu sssssssoooooooooooooo *Marlin falls backward into the water***_

_***Dory looks around* Wow, I wish could speak whale.-Dory and Marlin**_

**I'm done.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi again. This chapter contains our favourite pissed off ex-friend duo. Yay! But, because its been a while, and I am not to blame for that, I just wanted to remind you this is a computor conversation. **

SorrowFilledBeauty is online

ScorningLesserBlasphemers is online

SorrowFilledBeauty is offline

'Ahh, China. That wasn't very nice now,' Eliza chuckled

'Or mature,' she said after some consideration.

SorrowFilledBeauty is online

'Didn't I say I would kill you if I saw you again?' China asked coldly.

Eliza tapped her chin thoughtfully. 'No... Maybe... Wait, I think I remember you saying something...Hang on, no.'

'Well, I'm reminding you now.'

'What happened to the China I used to know?' Eliza asked sadly.

'You betrayed her.' China reminded her.

'I remember. Good times. But friends have the their little betrayals, once or twice.' Eliza smiled nostalgically.

'Once or twice?' China asked, eyebrow delicately raised.

'Maybe more.'

'I thought that was more like it.'

'I don't think you would kill me.' Eliza said, bringing the conversation a full circle.

'And why is that?'

'You don't have it in you.'

'Maybe you do, somewhere, but you won't.'

'You know I hate to repeat myself, but sometimes it's necessary. Why is that?'

'We have too much history between us for one of us to kill the other.' Eliza smiled again.

'And most of the history is bad. Although, I have to thank you, Eliza.'

'For ruining your apartment, precious books and life?' Eliza asked, slightly confused.

'You made my job easier.' China said casually.

'You're welcome.' Eliza replied.

'If you hadn't told Skulduggery, I would have had to kill the people you would have told to tell Skulduggery in the event of your death. Now I don't have to.'

'I could have more information.'

'I sincerly doubt it. Besides, I don't have anything for you to destroy anymore.'

'I could find something.'

'You don't even know where my new apartment is.'

'What's it like?'

'Classy, beautiful, elegant, expensive, everything you're not, in other words. I have better things to do with my time, and people to talk to who actually have something to offer me.'

'History repeats itself. The Faceless Ones will walk this Earth again.' Eliza promised.

'I look forward to it.' China said cooly.

SorrowFilledBeauty is offline

ScorningLesserBlasphemers is offline


End file.
